IRA/BENEVOLENTIA

Insure

Falling down at feet
Falling down
Defeat

Retreat

I can delete
It’s instant
I’m right there
and so distant
While all others
are melting
dreaming of hearts 
and pink comfort
I am just observing
Only so deserving
unnerving

Intertwined, you’re looking at me
Why do I dissent?
I’m a knot in myself
No need to add strings
I’ve got this form and you’ve got yours
The only control I have is here
And you all just let it pour
poor me poor me
I’m insured 

But who am I protecting?

New Age

Don’t go outside. 
Don’t eat the food.
Don’t drink the water.
Don’t breath the air. 
Don’t believe this
Don’t think that.
You can bleed 
as long as it’s green.

We are fear eating fear.
Killing each other one way
or another.

The Echos

Those nights, each the same
I ascended
Your body became my paradise
As the earth and all it’s woes
Trembled before me
and washed away in a single moment
Vanishing behind your movements
Your grace
Your seduction
Your beauty

As gravity settled
Pushing me back down again
The nights became days
And the earth vomited up the sun
To shine it’s burning light on
all that trembled and vanished
the night before.
My mind became my hell.
You faded behind time
And I became a creature
unkind to you
and myself.
The echos are all I’ve got.
And if you haven’t forgotten me,
I’d be surprised.  

A Mind That Just Wouldn’t Calm Down

My wavering and wandering and wondering
will drive away those who wish I’d just stay still with them. 
Those who really make me feel a comfort that I can get no where else. 
I imagine that there will be a conversation; fast-forward a few decades. 
How are things… 
How has life treated you over these years…
So many casual questions covering up all of the things left unsaid.
Words taken apart and put back together until exhaustion, 
Almost breaking out the teeth just to spill onto the floor.
With no courage or heart to really say them.  

And it will be too late to explore
the what-ifs
and the why-nots.
Too late to make up a mind that just wouldn’t calm down. 

Daydreamer

A perpetual sadness
Slowly madness
creeping
I’m not sleeping
dreaming, seeming
only to observe my life
And not take part.  
But I can’t see it all
Be it all
Free fall
to the ground
down
from clouds I never rested on.
Best move on
I would if I could.  

Someone

Even in the coldest of lives
There is always someone…
Someone who can make you feel known
and you want them to know you,
not like the others. Not the half-you
you let everyone else find.
But somehow they see every piece
every layer,
And yet remain.

They will make you smile
A real smile, one your face 
hasn’t felt in years.
And though time has passed, as it does,
and they are not as close,
you want them to be,
Even when you’ve pushed everyone else out.

And you will think about them at night,
or whenever it is you sleep,
hoping they are perhaps chasing you in their mind
as you are chasing them.
And you still hope that when they hear a song
about missing someone
they think of you and no one else.

Someone that sees all that’s left of you
and still wants you around.
Who doesn’t feel so distant.
Someone that makes you want to stay,
instead of drift to the farthest island you can find.  
 

No Magic

A child, I was able to stare out the window of a moving car
Watch the moon follow me like it’s just
as curious about me
as I am of it.

I could find shapes in clouds so much easier.

Now, I see the moon as a rock
Moving our tides
And making circles around our
circle.
No magic.

I no longer care for the shapes in clouds.
The bringers of rain.

My dreams get smaller every day.
And my nightmare grows.

My youth is growing older
And I no longer care for crayons
and weekends spent outside.
My worries wait for me to catch up
As they’ve progressed from
being of acceptance and kid games
to funds and futures and freedom
that I can’t pay for.

Life’s become more serious
more wrinkled and stern.
No magic.

Where I once pondered briefly about a girl,
I now think of a woman.
Then, I knew and felt love so easily
while I now have to fight just
to find a way
to feel only it’s finger tips. 

And this slipping movement,
this race life pushes me, pushes us, in
To get to a finish no one wants
Can be stopped by nothing.
And  no matter what’s been written, there is
No magic
that can slow this down. 

Used Up

Discord
within.
Warmth escapes,
only cold is left
Bereft of feeling
Peeling back the sin
To see skin.
You’ll seek trouble just for peace.  
You, yourself,
can’t use yourself
But the others will fill
that spot. 

Hard pressed
Undressed
We’ve all come to this
Resist reason
Treason unto self.

You’ve wanted to to be wanted
Flaunted
Taunted
They’ll take that cake
They’ll eat it too
And you’re left with the dish
When they’re through.

Purity has lost you.  

No Kindling

Trembling
no kindling
for the fire
desire can warm the heart
But
Apart from oxygen 
The air is empty
Simply tempting
to put ice on the flame
And it’s a shame
But I’ll shoulder the blame
When you show up at my door
I won’t know how to open it.   

Rift

As the time passes
Dragging days and months and years along
Does it feel as though there is a rift
Tearing between us
wider and wider and
wider
And maybe you fear it will be too deep a gash
Too long a walk
Or too far apart
Or perhaps your wound is healing
As this becomes the end.  
Or is it that there isn’t enough care
left
to hold you back
from moving
Forward.